Karl gives his thoughts on caterpillars after one fell on his head and Ricky tells us a fact about feeding leeches to other leeches. Karl wonders what would happen if you fed Einstein’s brain to someone.

Karl and his family have a lucky escape from angry cows in Wales which leads on to a discussion about amusing fatal accidents. According to the K-man there’s a mouse with monkey testicles.

The guys dissect Eric Clapton’s “Wonderful Tonight” and Karl misinterprets the phrase “things to do before you die”. He also tells us about a monkey working in a recording studio.

Caterpillar

Ricky: Steve, I called him a couple of days ago and I went, it was the weekend, I went "what you doing?", he went "oh, just in Regent's Park n' that, just going...oh Jesus!", I went "what?", he went "a caterpillar just fell out of the sky!", I went "what?", he went "a caterpillar just fell out of the sky, God it's there, wriggling around", I went "you sure a bird didn't just drop it?", he looked up and went "oh yeah". Steve: (laughs) Course you did, for a moment you thought caterpillars were raining from the sky. Ricky: I thought I was in 'Chicken Licken'. Steve: Yeah. Ricky: Unbelievable, why did you think a caterpillar had fallen out the sky? Karl: I dunno, it just startled me a bit. Ricky: (laughs out loud) I love Karl being startled! Steve: I like the idea of him straight on the phone to Trevor McDonald "look Trevor, there's caterpillars, insects falling out the sky, they're falling out the sky now, put it on the news, quick", "are you sure there wasn't a bird?", "oh there was a bird, sorry Trev". Ricky: "Bye". Karl: But it was weird, after like I hung up, hung up the phone n' that from you, I sort of sat there for a bit, watching it. Ricky: (laughs out loud) Steve: I imagine him cross legged, just in front of it. Ricky: But d'you kow what, because of his shape, the shape of his head and his sort of IQ, I bet the caterpillar was thinking "mama". Steve: (laughs) Yeah. Ricky: D'you know what I mean, unbelievable, go on. Karl: And it was sort of running about all over the place right Steve, caterpillars have loads of feet and that don't they? Ricky: (laughs) Well they have 6 legs, they're actually a lava, an insect, they have 6 legs but they have little sucker things to hold onto cabbages n' that. Karl: No, they've got more than that. Ricky: I tell you they've got 6 true legs, trust me, trust me I'm a scientist. Steve: And you were thinking what Karl? Karl: Well... Ricky: But they've got little pods, they've got little psuedo legs, little suckers, yeah. Karl: But it was running about like everywhere, right, mental, but sort of running off to the left and then it sort of went back to where it was, then went right and what have ya and I was thinking "whoever gave 'em the legs, right, what's the point if they don't know where they're going n' that", d'you know what I mean? Ricky: (laughs) Steve: Did you hear that sentence? Can we play that sentence back? Ricky: No, I don't think we can. Steve: "Imagine who gave 'em that legs". Ricky: "Whoever gave 'em the legs, right, what's the point if they don't know where they're going n' that". Steve: And that, always and that. Ricky: And that, but maybe, to be fair to the caterpillar with all of it's legs, okay, and it didn't know where it was going, it had just been plucked from its house by a bird, shot up into the sky and then dropped from 80 feet, hitting the ground. Steve: Onto the head of a weird bald shaved monkey. Ricky: (laughs out loud) It was probably concussed. Karl: Yeah, it's just one of them things again though. Ricky: But it still knew more about the world than you, how does that make you feel. Karl: I just think it's a waste of time havin all them feet. Ricky: (laughs) Feet now, it's got feet now! Steve: It has a nightmare buying shoes, dunnit Karl? Ricky: (laughs)

Leeches

Karl: We were talking about the leech thing. Steve: Sure. Karl: You're saying put them in a blender. Ricky: I'm not saying that. Karl: Well someone did. Ricky: Yeah. Karl: Why were they doing that in the first place? D'you know what I mean, how did they find out that, if you put leeches in a blender... Ricky: I don't know, they probably kept notes, I don't know. Karl: No, no, no, what made 'em, were they just havin a laugh, what made 'em go... Steve: It was at a party, a couple of 14 year olds. Ricky: (laughs) Yeah, it was a couple of research scientists, they'd been given a million pounds and the boss was coming round to see what they were doing and they were just making a smoothie and they went "quick, Mr Yakamoto's coming round, throw in some leeches", "what you doing?", "just leeching". Steve: "Just feeding these leeches to some other leeches", "alright, well that looks like science I'm off". Ricky: (laughs) "Here's another million pounds for next year, bye". Steve: (laughs) Yeah. Karl: That's how they work though innit. Ricky: Yeah, that's exactly how the work! Karl: I'm just saying they're getting away with murder. Ricky: Go on. Karl: Well just the way... Ricky: You can't say anything in front of him because everything's got a point with him, you can't have a conversation with Karl coz he always puts in a curveball, you tell him something and the question comes back that you could never have expected, when I told him that story about the monkey who'd run away because he'd had an argument with his father he said "what was it about?". Steve: (laughs) Yeah. Ricky: No one in the world thinks that, no one in the world would ask that question. Karl: The leech thing, d'you know how you said show the leech the way to its bit of food or whatever, whatever it's eating or whatever in the maze right, it makes its way right, it eats the cheese or whatever... Ricky: Blood. Karl: Blood, right. Ricky: (laughs) Cheese! Everything's a cartoon to Karl as well innit, everthing is a cartoon. Steve: It's a leech with a little hat and a little baby bell at one end. Ricky: (laughs) Karl: What happens if you got another one and moved the bit of blood, right, so feed those two leeches to one, then is it gonna get confused or d'you know what I mean, which way will it go if its eaten two leeches that have done two different ways, is it sort of stressed out? Ricky: (laughs) I don't know! I don't know, it probably knows both routes, it probably goes "there's one over over here, yum yum, oh there's one over here as well, yum yum, I'm happy I've had two for the price of one and I'm full of leeches". Steve: (laughs) Karl: What's the best that can happen. Ricky: What are you talking about! What do you want out of me? Karl: I'm just saying if they could, if by that, if by doing that they can go "right, we can do this with humans". Ricky: OH! WHAT DO YOU MEAN! What do you mean in the name of Christ! Steve: You can't do it with humans. Ricky: What do you mean? Karl: All I'm saying is what's the point in doing it? Ricky: Think! What do you mean? Karl: If you could do it with humans... Ricky: But what, what, what, right Karl, think about what you're saying man, if you could do it with humans, do what with humans? Karl: Say if Einstein, right, didn't do all that maths that he did right, say if he got to E equals and then he died, squash his brain, give it to someone else, say "right, eat that" and they go "right, it's E = MC squared innit", what I'm saying is... Ricky: But they wouldn't, they'd go "E equals, oh", wouldn't they, if it was chemical memory they'd go "oh, E equals, oh, same as Einstein said, yeah I'v just ate his brain". What am I saying! What have, what have you made, Karl! Think what you're saying! It's unbelievable, the thing is right, you actually, you are what a scientist does, you just keep saying why and what and why and what, but nothing's ever enough for you, which is good. Karl: I get annoyed with all the time and effort that's put into stuff that's useless, what's the next stage to squashing that leech, if it's not going anywhere forget it, work on something else, it's the same way in some science magazine I was reading about is there anything smaller than a quantum electron or something, it's like if it's not getting in the way don't worry about it. Ricky: (laughs out loud)