Karl is off to a wedding later on but doesn’t see the point of marriage. Ricky talks about a recent golf weekend he went on with the K-man where the Manc came up with the most ridiculous thing he has ever said regarding a talkative yoghurt.

Karl explains evolution and talks about his recent holiday in Sardinia including yet another encounter with a nudist. The guys discuss the Kate Bush song “Babooshka”.

Karl gives his thoughts on foreign aid and believes he’s being ripped off by a charity for pensioners. Ricky talks about a recent trip to a top restaurant which leads Steve to have a go at his childlike diet.

German Nudists

Ricky: So holiday, where did you go on holiday? Karl: Sardinia. Ricky: Good? Karl: Yeah, it's all right, yeah, nice food n' that, that's important innit. Ricky: Yeah. Karl: And nice beaches and what have you, always like a nice long beach to walk down. Ricky: Yeah. Karl: But we were having a nice long walk, right, you know how nudists do my head in. Steve: Sure. Ricky: (laughs) Not a problem though is it, it's not like being scared of spiders, they might jump out at you from under the chicken sink. Chicken sink? Kitchen sink at ya, you know it's not a big problem getting your head done in by nudists. Steve: (laughs) Karl: Yeah but it's just annoys me, sort of ruins the day a little bit, coz it makes me feel uncomfortable. Ricky: Right, take your clothes off if you feel uncomfortable, that's much more relaxing. Karl: Yeah but, well anyway right, so I'm walking along the beach, right, lovely long beach and what have you, you know, watching the sea, picking up shells n' that. Steve: And what are you wearing, what's your natural beach clobber? Ricky: When he says picking up shells I imagine him on all fours going "uh uh", you know what I mean, looking at things. Steve: (laughs) Ricky: Washing his nuts in the sea to get 'em tasty. Steve: Yeah, going into the sea then kinda shaking himself until all the water flies off. Ricky: (laughs) Yeah. Karl: I've just got flip flops on, a pair of shorts and a little light shirt. Steve: Sure. Karl: So anyway, walking along and Suzanne goes "oh look!", right, and there's this woman, German I think. Ricky: How could you tell she was German, underarm hair? Karl: I'll get to it, forget the underarm hair. Ricky: (laughs out loud) Karl: She came out, it looked like she was smuggling seaweed. Ricky: (laughs out loud) I'm gonna burst, I'm going to burst! Oh God! Karl: And the funny thing is, right, she... Ricky: (laughs out loud) Smuggling seaweed! Oh God! She was a bit hairy down there was she? Karl: Mental. Ricky: (laughs out loud) Karl: I felt bad coz I hadn't had a shave for 2 days, right, looked her, it was ridiculous, she might as well have kept her trunks on. Ricky & Steve: (laugh) Karl: It was just like she was wearing furry trunks, right, so anyway, I'm walking... Ricky: (laughs out loud) Yeah go on then. Karl: So Suzannes like "oh look", and I'm like "not again", coz everytime we go away there always seems to be one of these. Ricky: Is she by herself this woman? Karl: We'll the weird thing was she was with her husband, right, but he had shorts on, he's happy, right, but everytime, coz I walked past her and he sort of ran off coz he's embarrassed, d'you know what I mean, there's nothing normal about it, what can he do, he can't go "alright mate", coz he knows it's odd, right. Steve: How old was he, sorry how old was she? Karl: It's hard to tell when somebody hasn't got clothes on, d'you know what I mean, they always look older don't they when they haven't got clothes on, anyway but I'd say she was about 40, 41. Steve: Right. Karl: So yeah I walked past and the annoying thing is she got there on a bike, right, no clothes on, little pair of boots next to the bike, so if you can wear boots just pop some shorts on. Ricky & Steve: (laugh) Karl: D'you know what I mean, that takes more effort for me, putting boots on, put the shorts on, right, so anyway the husband kept running off, I walked past and I'm getting annoyed coz I'm saying "well we gotta walk past 'em again on the way back". Ricky: (laughs) I like the fact that they run, scuttling away when Karl walks past, like when you lift up a bit of sort of iron sheeting in the woods and loads of mice run away, it's like whenever Karl goes nudists run away. Karl: So we sort of come walking back and what have ya and you know I have another look and what have ya. Steve: Why are you havin another look if it offends you so much? Karl: Well you might as well have another look, d'you know what I mean if she's putting it on show and what have you, but the interesting thing was I just wondered whether the husband... Ricky: If the husband had've been nude you'd have looked at his tackle coz remember when you went to see those 2 strippers and it was a woman and a man and they wipped their shorts off, you said you looked at his tackle first. Karl: I think any bloke would. Ricky: Well. Karl: You would, just check it out, it's natural innit, you just go "oh, right". Ricky: (laughs) Go on then. Karl: If he's normal or whatever, coz you don't know if what you've got is right until you see someone else's. Ricky: (laughs) Karl: No, d'you know what I mean? Ricky: Yeah, go on then. Karl: Anyway so, but it got us talking and I was then, as soon as I saw her the day's been ruined a bit. Ricky: (laughs) THE DAY'S BEEN RUINED! Karl: Walking up the beach with Suzanne going "how does it happen", d'you know what I mean, why do people do this, what fun are they getting out of it and what have you and I just was thinking is there any chance that that fella, right, didn't even know that she was a nudist until they went away? D'you know what i mean, coz I said to Suzanne, say if I met Suzanne, it's like we're getting on, everything's fine, and then you go off on holiday and you go "you haven't got much luggage". Ricky & Steve: (laugh) Karl: And she's like "no, it's fine, that's plenty", and then we go down the beach and she whips her knickers off. Steve: (laughs) Karl: I'd be annoyed but there's nothing I could do, d'you know what I mean? Steve: Sure. Karl: So I'm just wondering whether that's what happened to this fella, everytime someone came walking, he was "oh God, this is embarrassing", and he kept nipping off, finding somethin else to do. Ricky: Look at some shells. Steve: (laughs) I'm wondering Rick if maybe at some point, maybe today or in future shows, we should get a nudist, you know one of those official nudist spokes people, you know coz all these nudist organisations, get them on the phone, justify themselves to Karl, coz you know in his mind they are, what would you say, weirdos, freaks? Karl: I just don't quite get it, I was reading somethin in one of the supplements last weekend and some journalist went round to sort of, whatever you call it, resort or whatever for nudists and that. Ricky: Were they playing volleyball? Karl: Well the only thing was, bowls. Ricky: (laughs) Why's that annoying? Karl: Well don't play a sport where you gotta bend over. Ricky: (laughs out loud)

Charity

Karl: I've done loads for charity. Ricky: Go on. Karl: No loads, done loads of stuff. Ricky: Go on, well what? Karl: Give stuff to Oxfam. Ricky: Yeah, what stuff you don't want anymore? Steve: Yeah junk you mean. Karl: Well, yeah, but it'll be alright for them, I mean I said to you the other day like when they collect clothes for over there I don't know, none of my stuff is gonna fit 'em well, but the thing is I do loads of charities, I do loads of things like I pay for tools, you know I do that thing, a monthly payment of a fiver, paying for you know a toolbox n' that for someone out there, I help old people which I'm gonna stop to be honest. Ricky: Why? Karl: Coz d'you know this thing I do Steve, right, this is a fiver a month as well right, got stopped in Leicester Square one day, he said "there's a little old woman somewhere, she's cold, are you gonna help her out?", so I was like "why me?", right. Ricky: (laughs) Why me? Karl: So anyway they said "it's easier if people look after one old woman", right, so I've signed up to look after this one old woman called, I dunno, call her name June or whatever, it doesn't matter. Steve: (laughs) It does to her but go on. Ricky: (laughs) Karl: So anyway I'm paying this fiver a month and the first fiver, you know, first time I paid it I got this thing in the post, right, and it had you know, "thanks a lot Karl, you're looking after June, here she is", you know, a little picture of her and she's sat there what have you, with a cardigan on, stuff like that, "every five pound you pay", you know, "it'll be cheering her up", and you know "look after her, pay for her food", and what have you, so for a bit you feel good don't you, you think "well I've done me bit for the world", anyway 2 months later get another package, right, picture of June in there again, she's got a tan! Ricky & Steve: (laugh out loud) Karl: So it's saying "you're paying to keep her warm", didn't know they meant a week in Majorca or whatever, and this is what I mean, people take the, if they can get away with it. Ricky: (laughs) I DON'T KNOW WHERE TO START!