The guys are back after a break of a year and a half, nothing has changed at XFM and new listeners are warned not to expect the same high level as Ricky’s TV work.

Karl didn’t go and have his medical check up as he doesn’t want a finger up his arse. Apparently there’s now a website about Karl, never, and he gives his idea of perfect happiness.

Karl gives his thoughts on capital punishment and his theory about the Chinese not aging well. The guys have at last some decent prizes to give away and get annoyed about some recent reality TV programmes. Karl has a champagne cork fired at his head.

Karl Q & A

Steve: But anyway if your a reader of the weekend Guardian you'll know this thing which is called 'The Q & A' which they give to celebrities and thinkers and the like, and basically it's a series of questions they pose to people each week and it's the same questions and it gives a little insight into people's minds, the way they think. Ricky: What particular, what thinker, philosopher in this weeks? Steve: (laughs) It's the lead singer of 'Feeder', so you're in good company Karl. Ricky: (laughs) No I like Feeder, I love Feeder. Steve: So Karl I'm just gonna fire a couple of these questions at you, really drop them in throught the course of the show, just try and get a sense of who you are, so here's the first question, alright, got your thinking head on? Karl: Go on. Steve: (laughs) Ricky: You wurzel. Steve: What is your idea of perfect happiness? Karl: What for me or...? Ricky: No, Ronnie Corbett. Karl: But what d' you mean, what will make me happy or for everyone to be happy? Ricky: No, what will make you happy, maybe that's the answer, your idea of perfect happiness is everyone being happy, I don't know, what would make you totally blissfully happy? Steve: Unlikely Rick, I imagine it's a 24 hour monkey channel on like Sky. Ricky: (laughs) Yeah, yeah, a never ending popsicle, go on. Karl: I don't think I've had it yet when I'm like really, really happy. Ricky: Karl, I've never seen you really happy, no. Karl: No, but, erm.... Steve: When have you been at your happiest? Karl: Probably, I like sort of fish fingers, potato cakes and beans for tea. Ricky: Yeah, you're not, yeah. Steve: (laughs) Okay let's move on, we'll come back to that one, let's move on. Ricky: I don't think you're aiming high enough. Karl: Well what would your answer be for that? When are you happy? What would make you happy? Ricky: I wouldn't have the, i'd have fish fingers but I propbably wouldn't have the potato cakes, i'd have fish fingers and beans. Steve: You see I'm not a huge fan of the beans. Ricky: Really, so you're idea of perfect happiness is probably just fish fingers. Steve: (laughs) It's just some fish fingers. Ricky: Okay, good. Steve: Alright, second question, what is your greatest fear Karl? Karl: Erm, going to the doctors. Ricky: So presumably ill health and mortality. Karl: Erm... Steve: No, just the doctors. Ricky: (laughs) Any particular doctor? Karl: I don't wanna live forever either. Ricky: No. Karl: Just want a good innings, I just want to get to about 83, 84. Ricky: (laughs) So specific, so specific, yeah ok. Steve: Which living person do you most admire? Karl: Erm... (long pause) Steve: Which person throughout any time in history do you most admire? Karl: Winston Churchill's pretty good. Steve: You like him? Ricky: Yeah, very good, good answer. Karl: He was alright. Steve: Why? Karl: Coz if it weren't for him we'd be talking German and I'm not that good at that. Steve: (laughs) Ricky: (laughs) He's not that good at that! I love the fact that even if the nazi's had won right, in 1945 and we'd be now speaking German he still wouldn't be that good at it, although he's not good at English so I suppose that's true isn't it. Steve: Alright, well here's the final one for now, do you believe in capital punishment? Ricky: That's not hitting Dr Fox over the head with a stick. Karl: Depends, depends what for innit. Ricky: Go on. Karl: No, if it's somethin bad... Ricky: Well I assume it would be, they don't kill people now for parking illegally. Karl: But what sort of thing are you talking about, what sort of punishment? Steve: Capital punishment. Karl: Yeah, I know, but what is that? What are you talking about? Ricky: Well, guillotine, hanging... Karl: Hanging's a bit bad. Ricky: Yeah, can be fatal can't it, what d'you mean hanging's a bit bad, it's all bad, why should the state kill someone. Karl: Because prisons are getting a bit busy aren't they. Ricky: Brilliant, ok. Karl: What's the point in keeping people around? Ricky: Well what's the point in killing 'em? Karl: Coz it's like right, that's that done, who's next, d'you know what I mean, what can you do with someone if they're mental? Ricky & Steve: (laugh)

Karl's marriage advice

Karl: Someone's emailed in from Tokyo saying that he's getting married in a few months to a Japanese woman, she's 27, just wanna know how long I've got before she starts lookin old. Ricky: (laughs) Steve: Well how long d'you reckon according to your theory? Karl: About, 27, probably about 4 years, about 4 years n' that, so. Steve: (laughs) What would you advise him, to get out now or? Karl: Well, have some good sort of wedding pictures done n' that. Ricky: (laughs) It's not true, the theory's not true! Karl: Well, we'll see wont we. Ricky: Oh yeah, oh yeah great, in 4 years time he's gonna send a picture going "oh you're right Karl, look, she looks like a prune", what he's gonna suddenly start saying his girl, it's not true, it's not gonna happen. Karl: It's that thing though innit of looking at her mam, there's a lot of truth in that isn't there that you shouldn't really meet up with your girlfriend's sort of parents n' that, coz you just sort of get a little taster of what's to come and what have you. Ricky: And what's to come with yours? Karl: It's a good job I didn't meet her early on. Ricky: (laughs out loud) You're gonna be in such trouble!