Karl tells us what he knows about Anne Frank (nothing), they discuss nursery rhymes including Humpty Dumpty and Old Mother Hubbard. Ricky tries to get Karl to kiss his nipple for money.

Steve is annoyed that Salman Rushdie has a girlfriend and Karl does an on air audition to replace Kilroy. Educating Ricky includes fish with two heads and a drug which allows the elderly to have babies.

Karl does a remake of When Harry Met Sally with a gay twist and this week’s Monkey News is about cowboy chimps working on a ranch in Texas. Ricky and Steve try and force Karl into some nipple action.

Monkey Cowboys

Steve: Alright, well this is the final one, play the jingle. Ricky: OH CHIMPANZEE THAT! MONKEY NEWS YA FFFF! Karl: Right, well, this Monkey News story right, it's about this fella, a couple of fellas in Texas, sort of running a farm, right. Ricky: They were definitely fellas were they? How tall were they? Steve: (laughs) Can we just let him finish. Ricky: Ok so they are human beings, these two are human beings? Steve: Time's against us Rick. Karl: They were running this farm 'n that, and anyway so they're outside getting the cattle and he turns round, right. Ricky: Says "that cow's..." Karl: A couple of monkeys walking about, he says "what's going on?", right, so anyway, so it's in Texas, they don't know what to do with the monkeys, there isn't a zoo, it's fairly barren there innit, d'you know what I mean, not much going about, so the other fella who runs the farm with him said "well look, we need a bit of a hand, so let's teach them some stuff", and the monkeys were happy with that coz they were lost anyway right, so they... Ricky: They had nothing to do, they were bumming around, they were looking for work. Steve: They'd hired a motor home, they'd gone out of their way. Ricky: Yeah it was The Hulk, Bruce Banner going round going "look, I need some work", "you won't get angry will ya?", "no". Karl: So anyway right, they taught these monkeys how to ride a horse, right. Ricky: (laughs) Karl: They've both got a... Ricky: Sorry are you sure Charlton Heston's not gonna pop up, you sure you weren't watching a video last night and thought it was a documentary? Karl: They've both got a horse each, right, they've been given like a little lasso and all that business. Ricky: Oh don't talk shit Karl. Karl: Anyway it's going well and it carried on for about 2 years this right. Steve: Course it did. Karl: Like you know, rounding up the cattle and all that. Steve: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Karl: So the two fellas are chatting, they're going "it's worked out well innit". Ricky: Right, if there's a hostile takeover and they sort of like buy up 51% of the shares or somethin. Karl: So he says "for this to continue, the monkeys are getting old a bit now, we need a little woman monkey in here to get some kids going for like the future farm people 'n that. Steve: Interesting, forward planning, yeah. Karl: So they get a little woman monkey in. Ricky: They decided to only hire monkeys from now then? Karl: Why not, it's working, why mess with somethin when it's not broke, right, so they get the little woman monkey in, they have kids and all that business, right, but the problem was right, when they first got the little woman monkey in it was like well which one is gonna have the woman, right. Steve: Right. Karl: So they started sort of fighting a bit and what have ya, coz they'd seen the owners of the farm... Ricky: Don't tell me the baby monkeys didn't wanna go into the family business, one went off to be a lawyer. Karl: They had a bit of a shoot off. Steve: (laughs out loud) Ricky: Shut up! Karl: They got two monkeys right... Ricky: DON'T, OH FOR FFF! Karl: Because they'd seen the owners with guns and what have ya. Ricky: NO! Steve: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, that sounds plausible. Karl: So they had a bit of a shoot off. Steve: Yeah. Karl: That's how they sorted it out. Steve: And who won? Karl: I think it was George, the one called George. Steve: Right. Karl: So they had, I think they had 17 kids, the farm's still running, so that's like the last little Monkey News there.