Ricky shows his extensive knowledge of politics and current affairs. They also discuss languages and Ricky does his very own Monkey News, Karl is upset with anteaters.

Steve reveals his views on Madame Tussaud’s and Karl goes over his views on the Chinese once again. He also reveals why you shouldn’t adopt babies from the internet plus the terrifying thought of Karl as President.

Karl has a mad theory about being brought up in the jungle without any woman around. They also reveal the winner of “The Hate List” and this week’s monkey news involves the London to Brighton bike ride.

Hairy Baby

Karl: It's funny you know coz there was a story the other day when I was lookin for Monkey News, right. Ricky: (laughs) Karl: There was a story about a couple who couldn't have any kids, right, there was somethin wrong with them but they really wanted a kid and they got some dodgy email address where they could buy a baby online, there was someone who would have a kid and you could buy it for three grand or somethin, right, so anyway they got one, they got picked they were like "brilliant, there's the money", got the baby n' everythin, they were lovin it, you know playin with it n' stuff. Ricky: Feeding it. Karl: As it got older, it got hairier... Steve: (laughs out loud) Ricky: OH SHUT THE FFF! OH KARL! Karl: Turns out they'd been sold a chimp Steve: (laughs out loud) Ricky: You maniac! You stupid Manc twat, don't talk shit!

London to Brighton

Karl: Right, let's have a look, this one's from some woman and she was taking part in the London to Brighton bike ride, lovely day, weather's good n' everythin. Ricky: What year? Karl: A couple of months ago, she'd done all the training, right, done all the training n' stuff, got a brand new bike for it, little puncture outfit n' stuff, all set for the day, right, nice day she sets off, they all start pedalling n' that, on their way to Brighton, right, so she knows the route n' that, got her little headphones on, cycling along, suddenly... Ricky: Right, okay, I'm gonna stop you now, if a cyclist overtakes her and it's going really fast and it's sort of hunched over but it's got like lots of cycling gear on and a helmet and goggles and they can't tell what it is but they just know it's like a hairy fella, who hasn't bothered shaving his legs which is weird innit coz cyclists usually shave their legs but this fella had really hairy legs but it won, they gave it the medal, it won three years running, they gave it the key to the city, it had its own gameshow and then someone said "hold on though, this fella's a little hunched over and he's only 3 foot 5 and his arms are longer than his body, IT'S A CHIMP!", if it goes anywhere near that we're never doing it again". Karl: More Monkey News next week? Ricky: (laughs out loud) Steve: She's cycling along... Karl: So anyway, she's cycling along right, and this tricycle... Ricky & Steve: (laugh out loud) Ricky: I couldn't predict that! Steve: (laughs) There's always one element you could never anticipate. Ricky: (laughs) Yeah, yeah, a little kiddies tricycle with a little kid on it, a little hairy kid with a helmet, ok, go on then. Karl: So the tricycle comes... Ricky: Whizzing past, yeah, strong legs chimps. Karl: So she's thinking that's weird, but didn't get a chance to see the face. Ricky: (laughs) Oh yeah, couldn't quite see the cyclist! Oh God! You bald Manc git. Go on, research scientist Karl Pilkington. Karl: So anyway she gets to the end line, right, and they talking n' that coz it was a nice day, nice race n' all that, she said "did you see a little thing on a tricycle?" Ricky: Thing! A person, surely, just a human, did you see that, no, did you see that bloke on a tricycle? Steve: (laughs) Tricycle! Ricky: Don't be suspicious, did you see that fella on a tricyle? Karl: Anyway it turns out... Ricky: Go on. Karl: It was a chimp. Ricky: You're joking! Well Christ almighty, there you go, unbelievable, it was a chimp all along. Karl: So anyway the woman's like... Ricky: We're never doing this again. Karl: Checking out the news, there's nothing on it, she checks out XFM Monkey News. Ricky: Right, I'm gonna stop you there again, if it turns out there's something in the news and the circus goes we're looking for our chimp it used to ride the tricycle and it escaped with police chasing it. Karl: No, no, so she listened to XFM to see if i'd picked up on the story. Ricky: Yeah sure. Karl: I didn't have it n' stuff, so she got in touch with the organisers of the London to Brighton bike ride, she said "look, I saw a little hairy fella". Ricky: Why did she care? Karl: Because she wanted to know, she thought it was a bit odd, it turns it it was a chimp, they weren't happy about it, because now the owner of the chimp wants to enter it into the Tour de France. Ricky: (laughs out loud) NO! Oh God! I'm gonna die! Oh God! Karl: In 2005. Ricky: (laughs out loud) Steve: Now, a couple of questions, I trust you're gonna be able to answer these. Karl: Go on. Ricky: Steve help me out. Steve: How did it get hold of a tricycle? Karl: I don't know. Ricky: (laughs) I don't know! Steve: That's fine, that's not an important point. Ricky: Like that's important, what's the matter with you Steve, he doesn't know that! Steve: How did it know to, well firstly how did it know which way to cycle but more importantly how did it know there was a major bike ride on. Ricky: Just following the crowd Steve, what's the matter with ya? Karl: The owner of it had trained it. Ricky: (laughs) No it hadn't. Karl: It had already done the run beforehand, before the big day. Ricky: No it hadn't. Karl: Like I said it wants to do the Tour de France in 2005. Ricky: No it doesn't. Karl: But there's somethin about animal rights, if they don't let it enter they can kick up a bit of a fuss. Ricky: (laughs) NO! The animal rights is that it's cruel to make a chimp ride a bicycle, not that it's prejudice, that it would go "is it coz I is hairy?" You idiot! Well that is the worst, that is the worst one yet, absolute twaddle, absolute rubbish Karl. Steve: Have you got a tricycle? Ricky: (laughs) Unbelievable.