Karl talks about taking days off school when it was windy because his mum was scared he’d get blown onto the road and he argues with Steve about their pub quiz team. Karl explains his bad performance at the quiz was due to a little gay fella in the pub toilet.

Karl talks about the time he saw up his Auntie Nora’s skirt and claims he can spot a gay but only if he were naked. He also introduces another feature called “Crosswords”.

Karl talks about the time he vomited at Christmas because of a missing RAM pack and comes up with yet another new feature “Cheap as Chimps”.

Auntie Nora's Fanny

Karl: When I was a kid, right, and it's alright to go into women's toilets when your a kid, it's a bit cute, as long as your not over 15 or something, right. Steve: (laughs) Right. Karl: But when I was a kid I went into a toilet and women when they use their little cubicles they don't shut the door, some of them just sit down on the toilet and you see everything. Ricky: (laughs out loud) Karl: No seriously, that was probably one of the first times I saw like, a woman. Steve: Yeah. Karl: That right, and me Auntie Nora when she was staying over. Ricky: (laughs) What happened with your Auntie Nora? Karl: She was erm, she's into wearing kaftans. Steve: Into wearing what? Karl: Kaftans. Ricky: Oh yeah. Steve: What are kaftans? Ricky: Big bellowy sort of dresses. Steve: Right, right. Karl: And eh, yeah, I used to sit on the floor at home, in front of the tele. Steve: Sure. Karl: She was on the chair behind. Steve: Yeah. Karl: She did a bit of a, sort of a Sharon Stone thing. Steve: Oh god. Ricky: Did you see it? Steve: There was no underwear? Karl: No. Steve: What age were you? Ricky: What was it like? Karl: It was like a ripped tennis ball or somethin. Ricky: (laughs out loud) Play a record! Steve: What! Right we're off air, we're off air.

Pillow Man

Karl: The other day I was looking in, I don't know, Bizarre Magazine or somethin, right, and there was this fella who had no arms, so you saw a picture of him, his job was fixing watches, did it with his feet. Ricky: Go on. Karl: Well it's just that why pick the most hardest job to do when you haven't got any hands, crush grapes. Ricky: (laughs out loud) Karl: D'you know what I mean, that annoys me. Ricky: Oh, crush grapes! Imagine him being told that, he comes into the careers advisory and they're going "now what do you want to do Hargreaves?", "erm, make watches", "right, take a look at your arms, crush grapes mate", "sorry!", "you're a grape crusher, next". Steve: (laughs) Ricky: Brilliant, I would love you to be a career advisor in some sort of clinic, it would be brilliant. Steve: I love that fact that it annoys you, here's a man he's got no arms, he's learnt to fix watches with his feet, an incredible talent, an incredible skill, he's utilising that brilliantly, that's annoying to you, you're angered by it. Karl: I'm only being honest, now you be honest, right, your watch is broke who would you go to, you're in a rush, you need it fixing in a rush. Steve: (laughs) Karl: Now you need some fresh wine. Steve & Ricky: (laugh) Ricky: Oh Karl, you're a maniac. Karl: But what's this thing you've been talking about, this video. Ricky: "Freaks", right, it was a thing that was banned for like 50 years, I think it's been taken off again but I don't know why if it's just been deleted, right, it's a quest, if anyone out there has got a copy of "Freaks" on dvd or vhs, can Karl borrow it please, I almost wanna set up a camera to see him watching it, it's absolutely real, they use people in the circus of the time, I think it's the 20's or 30's, the depresssion, and there's people, there's coneheads, there's a bearded lady, all genuine, there's a bloke they call the human slug whose got no arms and no legs Karl and he's just there and he rolls a cigarette and lights it with his mouth. Karl: I think I've seen his brother, who isn't called the human slug, he's called the pillow. Steve & Ricky: (laugh) Steve: Right, how does he make a living? Ricky: Does anyone want to meet Karl for money? I think I've seen his brother! Karl: On our website we put things like this up right, if you go to ricky.gervais@xfm.co.uk/... Ricky: What you put things like that up on my website! It's nothing to do with me, I want people to know that that website is not kept or looked at by me, so, what have you put on there! Karl: There's a fella on there whose known as the pillow. Ricky: (laughs) God. Karl: You see I get a bit worried with things like this coz we're not sort of having a go or anything it's just things that... Ricky: Fascinate you. Karl: Yeah, and it's a guy, he might be the same sort of thing, what's your one? Ricky: I bet you used to stare at people with goiters, didn't you when you were little, in Tescos. Karl: Well just go to xfm.co.uk/ricky, it is. Ricky: What's the worst thing you've ever seen on like a human face? Karl: You know what it is and I don't want to talk about it. Ricky: What is it? I can't remember, have you told me ? Karl: Yeah. Ricky: What is it, not the elephant lady is it? Karl: Yeah. Ricky: Is it the elephant lady? You've talked about that on air. Karl: I don't want to talk about it again, go to the the website and see the human pillow. Ricky: (laughs) Steve: Why is he a human pillow? Karl: That's what annoyed me, I thought he was more of a draught excluder. Ricky & Steve: (laugh) Steve: Oh that breaks all kinds of rules.