Suzanne’s dad wasn’t happy with Karl’s thoughtful gift he bought him for his birthday. Karl tells some tragic Christmas stories from his childhood including the “The Victoria Plum Incident”.

Karl isn’t christened so his mum is worried he may be abducted by witches. Steve tells yet another toilet related anecdote and Karl introduces a new feature called “Do We Need Em?”.

Ricky and Steve talk about canned laughter on TV shows. Karl has only two items for this week’s rather feeble “Educating Ricky” and he ponders which disabilities would prove to be an advantage.

Victoria Plum

Karl: Well I think that was the year right, you're talking about buying presents and stuff, I think I did treat me mam, I didn't buy me dad anything, that was like when I was a bit older I used to get me dad something coz he wasn't that bothered anyway, so got me mam, there was a cheap shop... Steve: Of course. Ricky: Thank god for that. Karl: Called "Snips", so I went in there, I thought let's see what I can get her, and remember Victoria Plum? Steve: I don't think so. Karl: Well it's like a fairy character, right, and me mam's into gnomes and stuff. Steve: (laughs) She'll be pleased with you then. Ricky: (laughs) Oh Victoria Plum, I was thinking is that one of the neighbours, is it like a brandy liquor. Steve: "Do you remember Victoria Plum". Ricky: Victoria Plum. Karl: Victoria Plum, yeah, it's like a little fictional sort of character. Steve: Ok. Ricky: Ok. Karl: So I saw it and I thought, yeah she'll love that, right, so I did me paper round, saved up for 2 weeks. Ricky: Awh. Karl: Got that sorted, went to "Snips" bought the Victoria Plum, next day I'm in town with her right, so I think I know what i'll do, I said "come in here a minute", right, so we go in and we're looking around and I tested her, right, I went "look at that there, that's alright innit?", and she goes "oh it's bloody awful". Ricky: Oh Karl, oh Karl, I just, I, oh god. Karl: So then, christmas day comes, I said don't bother opening it, she said "no, no, why?". Ricky: Oh no! Why did you still give it to her? Karl: So, well it's too late, i'd already bought it. Ricky: Oh Karl. Karl: So she opened it, and I was like, and she said "oh, that's nice", I said "why you saying that, the other day you said it was bloody awful", she said "no, I thought you were pointing at something else". Ricky: Ohhhh no! Karl: So that's why I don't get anyone anything anymore. Ricky: (laughs out loud) Oh god! Play a record, oh god.