Steve gets his arse pinched by a woman and Karl gets called a dickhead by a tramp. Ricky reveals who he’ll be fighting in his upcoming boxing match and invites listeners to come up with boxing names for him.

Karl talks about his time in the “Crusaders” and having to avoid a particularly enthusiastic servant of God on Sundays. He also gets annoyed about a mum who’s still breast feeding her 8 year old son and reveals which snack you never see an old man eat.

Karl explains the derivation of the word bonfire and Steve’s mum gets called a twat by his dad. Don’t go up a mountain with Brian Blessed.

Breast Feeding Kid and Things You Don't See

Ricky: Ok what's the next one, what's the next "Educating Ricky"? Karl: I don't know, see like I say I was looking around and there's stuff that is interestin right, I was lookin on the web... Ricky: But there's no point, "what's the point?". Karl: Well it's just that I found one about a lad who 8 years old, but is still breast fed. Steve: (laughs out loud) Karl: Now I don't know if you can get anything out of that. Ricky: (laughs out loud) Is that what his mum said? What do you mean I don't know if you can get anything out of that? You don't need to. Karl: No, it's just that you know... Ricky: Where did you read that? Karl: That was on the internet. Ricky: (laughs) Oh, well, yeah. Steve: You're always so unspecific when you mention it, it's just it was on the internet. Karl: I'm tryin to remember what I put in, I think I put in why just to see if I could confuse a computer. Ricky: (laughs out loud) Karl! You are, no honestly. Karl: I did a search, put in "why" and it came up with like funny things like why is this person doing that, why's that, and it had a picture of this 8 year old lad sort of you know on his mam's nipple and it was saying you know, is this healthy. Ricky: (laughs out loud) Steve: Are you sure it wasn't asking you that question? Ricky: (laughs) Oh, what! I put in "why" just to confuse the computer, it was going "what do you mean, stop it!". Oh look yeah, last week I was walking home with him and I went, he was saying something stupid and I went "I've got a question for next week, let's do a phone in and it's called, Karl Pilkington, genius or fool?", right, and he went "No, no,", I went "well why not?", and he went "well, it would be confusing coz they say there's no difference in being genius or being a fool". Steve: (laughs) Karl: They do though don't they? Ricky: No but it's rubbish, they say there's a fine line between madness and genius, and you know it's a ridiculous soundbite, they don't say there's a fine line between genius and an idiot. Steve: Well the people that do are idiots. Ricky: (laughs) Karl: What would you do there though, just to wrap up that little thing, what would you do? That lad loves his mam's milk. Ricky: What are you asking me to come up with? A title for the story? Karl: No, no, no, no, it's just what would you do? Ricky: What do you mean what would I do? Karl: Well it's causing a bit of a problem in the area right. Ricky: What area! Karl: In America I think it was. Ricky: Oh America, George Bush is worried about this kid who's breast feeding at eight. Karl: Imagine it a bit like this... Ricky: Right, Karl, what are you asking me about this spurious story you heard on the internet? Karl: I saw it on the internet, there's an eight year old lad who likes his mam's milk and it's saying is this right, should it be going on? Ricky: No it's not, but what... Steve: What do you want Ricky to do about it, it's not his responsibility. Ricky: (laughs) Yeah, yeah. Karl: No but the little town he lives in, they're all causing an uproar right, going "this isn't right, I can't let me kid play out in case he's in the garden with his mam getting hungry", right, so what should they do? Because his mam's saying he likes it and he, you know, what should they do? Ricky: I don't know the laws. Karl: No but I'm not asking you to sort out the laws, I'm just saying if you lived in that neighbourhood what would you say? If you went up to her and said look everybody is getting a bit fed up with this. Ricky: What, what, what would I do, what d'you mean what would I do, what are you asking me? Karl: Right, it doesn't matter. Ricky: No, no, no, no, what are you asking me? What are you asking me and Steve and the public? Karl: I'm just saying, say if you lived next door to this woman, right, the kid's hungry, 8 years old, he's out playing on his bike and he goes "mam, I'm getting a bit peckish" and she goes "alright son", she wops one out and he starts havin his milk, right, you live next door, you're putting your washing out and you see this going on, you're getting a bit sick of it because it's been going on for months. Ricky: 8 years I assume. Steve: Why is it your business, why are you such a nosy neighbour that you're concerned? Ricky: What would you do Karl, let's turn it back on you, what would you do? Steve: Yeah, what's your solution? Ricky: What would you do? Karl: Well I thought I'd say "right why are you doing this?", and she'd say "because he likes it", and I'd go "alright then, put it in a bowl first". Ricky & Steve: (laugh) Steve: And you think that would sort that out? Karl: No, because I was thinking about the whole thing right and you do that when you're a baby and everything's alright innit, no one bats an eyelid. Steve: Yeah, sure. Karl: At a little baby havin a little bit of milk from its mam's breast, right. Ricky: You'd almost say it's natural. Karl: But you grow out of it, it's like you don't see, it got me thinking about things you don't see, and you don't see... Ricky: Did you put this into a computer "show me things you don't see". Steve: What else don't you see? Karl: Well you don't see an old man havin a twix. Ricky & Steve: (laugh out loud) Ricky: You know the terrible thing about all this Steve is he's right. Steve: You don't see an old man eating a twix. Ricky: No, that's the terrible thing.