Karl is back after being away for a couple of weeks and talks about his holiday. He was pleased to see a woman on the beach feeding fish bread but less thrilled about seeing an old guy with his tackle out.

Karl has been busy thinking up new features for the show including “Rockbusters”. An excruciatingly long period of dead air causes Ricky to go mental after which two listeners call in to play Karl’s quiz.

Karl introduces another new feature “Educating Ricky” which includes “Alien gives man a beard” and “Hairy Chinese Kid”. He also suggests giving old people rubik’s cubes instead of sending them to hospital.

Alien gives man a beard

Ricky: What other ideas have you got, have you got any other ideas Karl we've got another hour to go, have you got anythin at all? Karl: I've got that feature Educating Ricky which is a bit of a play on words as well, right d'you know the film Steve? Steve: Educating Rita? Karl: Yeah. Ricky: I see what you've done, I see what you've done, go on. Karl: I'm doin that and I teach Ricky stuff. Ricky: What do you teach me Karl? Karl: Well I've got a few different topics. Ricky: Go on. Karl: D'you know how you taught me about Hitler, Che Guevara and Winston Churchill, I'm gonna come in with topics every week and this week I've got, "hanging bacon" is one of the topics. Steve: Say that again. Karl: "Hanging bacon". Steve: Hanging bacon? Karl: All the titles are sort of named to sort of tease you and get you more interested in it. Steve: "Hanging bacon", well you've certainly intrigued me. Ricky: Go on what's another title? Karl: "Hairy Chinese kid". Ricky & Steve: (laugh out loud) Ricky: Could I go for that one? Steve: If there was a university degree with that title. Ricky: Yeah, Im gonna go for "hairy Chinese kid" I think. Karl: And the final one "alien gives man a beard". Ricky: (laughs) I am gonna burst. Steve: Alien gives man a beard? Right: Right listen Karl, you gotta tell me, right let's do it in reverse order. Karl: No, we're not gonna do it now anyway. Ricky: What do you mean! We've got to do it now, this is the first interesting thing you've said in an hour, okay, the listeners have just been subjected to rubbish and mistakes and everything for the last six months, please we've gotta do "alien gives man a beard", what is that, tell us that. Karl: Right. Ricky: Sorry this is just you tellin me somethin is it, this feature is you tellin me somethin? Karl: No, teaching you something, "Educating Ricky". Ricky: So are we playing it now, we're already into this feature, well into this feature are we? Karl: Yeah, I suppose we are, yeah. Ricky & Steve: (laugh) Steve: Should there not be a jingle or something? Ricky: Yeah, can we have a jingle? Karl: There's no point coz look I come up with ideas and you dismiss them straight away so I'm not wasting me time making stuff if you don't like it. Ricky: Right, well ok let's play "Educating Ricky". Karl: Right. Ricky: Brilliant, go, right (Ricky makes up his on jingle). Karl: Right, what we going for then? "Hanging the bacon", "hairy Chinese kid", "alien gives man a beard". Steve: I think "alien gives man a beard". Ricky: I'd like to do that. Karl: Right there's this fella, I think it happened in America, and he saw a bright light in the sky... Ricky: Karl if you're bored... Karl: And he's stood there... Steve: This is a true story is it? Karl: Yeah, he's stood there... Ricky: (laughs) Yeah! Of course it isn't Steve. Karl: And he saw this bright light and it came closer and closer and it was a UFO, right. Steve: (sniggers) Yeah. Karl: And he looked at it and it disappeared right, and he gets back in his car... Steve: He looks in the mirror. Karl: And he looks in the mirror. Steve: Yeah. Karl: He's only got a beard. Steve: He hasn't. Ricky: (laughs) You sure it wasn't someone else who got in the car and he was still standing out there? Karl: No right, and it turned out, he got home and said to his wife or girlfriend "that's a bit weird", he says "I just got out of a car to look at a bright light, I got back in the car and I'd grew a beard", she said "nevermind your beard, where've you been for three days?". Ricky: (laughs out loud) Karl: And what had happened is... Steve: He'd passed out coz he was pissed. Karl: No, the UFO had taken him for three days but he'd only thought he'd only looked at it and it went away. Ricky: Yeah. Karl: But what had happened is they took him and he grew a beard coz he hasn't had a shave. Ricky: Yeah, yeah yeah yeah.