Ricky comes in early to play football with Karl and reveals he won’t be there next week as he’s off on holiday. Steve gets upset with Ricky’s childlike diet and talks about an audition he once had for The Pirates of Penzance.

Karl tells a go-kart anecdote which reminds Ricky of his very own go-kart related story. Steve is furious when he finds out Ricky went to a secret David Bowie gig without telling him.

Karl apparently has telepathic friends and is convinced a man walked 32 steps after having his head chopped off. Cockroaches can live 9 days without a head and Ricky stuffs his mouth with toilet paper.

Telepathy

Karl: But other things right that are weird in the world, do you know how you're always goin on about there's no ghosts and stuff, right how do you answer this one, someone 'ere, who I work with, right I'm not gonna say who they are coz it doesn't matter, but they were eatin space cake right. Ricky: What do you mean by that Karl? Explain. Steve: What's a space cake? Karl: It's some sort of druggy cake, innit. Ricky: Yeah, a dope brownie or whatever, sommit with cannabis in it, is that what you're saying? Karl: I think it's somethin stronger than that innit. I dunno but anyway he was havin this space cake. Ricky: You better give me the name now Karl coz I gotta report him. Karl: No listen. Steve: Was it Sturgess, was it Clare Sturgess? Karl: Yeah, let's say it is. Ricky: She doesn't bother, she's gone on to the harder stuff now. Steve: Straight to the vain. Karl: So listen right, so he's at a party right, with his mates, and they're listenin to the Star Sailor album, and he's sat there and he'd had some of this cake, and he's listenin to the album and his mate sat across the way talking to someone else, the album's on and he thinks to himself "this track's going on a bit" and his mate who's across the room talking to someone else heard him say it and he goes "yeah it is isn't it". Ricky: See usually at this point I would go had this bloke taken drugs but you started the story with "this bloke had done some drugs right Rick". Karl: No, but if he was here now he'd say "yeah, I know it sounds mental but it happened", and it wasn't just the one question, it wasn't just like this track's a bit long innit, yeah it is, he had a whole converstion with the guy. Steve: I just wanna clarify, you mean he had the whole conversation telepathically? Karl: Yeah. Steve: Right, he didn't just shout across the room. Karl: And they recently met up and they like sat there and tried to work out like what had happened. Ricky: Presumably they don't have to talk at all anymore. Steve: Yeah why did they meet up, couldn't they just have done it from their own homes? Ricky: (laughs out loud) Do they have to have that cake before they start havin a conversation, "hold on, wait a minute lads, why are we using our lips?".

32 Steps

Karl: Right so I did some research. Steve: Let's just recap again, there was a guy you read about who had his head chopped off, he was guillotined, he had said to the people around him "I'm going to blink once I've had my head cut off". Ricky: "Count my blinks". Steve: To show the brain can continue to work after, yeah we queried that. Karl: So you weren't havin any of it. Ricky: Well no possibly for a few seconds until the oxygen stops being fed to the cells coz the blood had drained away but you know, nothin spectacular, so go on. Karl: Along a similar sort of lines right, this is quite a few years ago, this fella sort of upset the royal family doin somethin right, so they said this isn't good so they said right we're gonna cut your head off, you gotta show people that you can't be doin what you've been doin. Steve: When was this, the 1970's? When you say a couple of years ago. Ricky: Was it the olden days when the phones weren't very good? Karl: Ages ago. Steve: Yeah it was ages ago, sure. Karl: So he said "yeah, fair enough". Steve: (laughs) Yeah, very philosophical. Ricky: (laughs) Yeah, imagine that when you're watchin a history programme, "this was literally ages ago". Steve: (laughs) Yeah, Simon Schama's "History of Britain". Ricky: Yeah, and even before that which was yonks before when it was all mental and different, sorry Karl go on. Steve: So he's havin his head cut off but he's resigned to it. Karl: It's the day before, he's sort of got it in his head now that I'm not gonna have me head much longer so he said "let's make use of this" he said "I wonder how long the body can stay alive without the head on it?", right so they we're like "Ooh I dunno". Steve: (laughs) Who were? The Jailers? Ricky: These jailers with one eye. Steve: "No, wait a minute, I've got an interesting scientific experiment jailer". Karl: He said "what I wanna do is, you know surely it's me last right, I'm gonna be dead tomorrow, so let's test this out", he said "do us a favour, you know its me last day, what I want you to do, you're gonna cut me head off, lets put a white line on the floor", coz there's no point askin how far he can walk without a line coz their isn't, you don't know what to count, if it's just, if he loses his head he'll be runnin around all over the place and you can't really count. Steve: That's not impressive enough. Karl: So he said "let's make a white line". Ricky: Who said this, he did or they did? Karl: I think they started to join in with him and they say we'll let's make this... Ricky: Sure, you're guessin. Steve: Had they got Norris McWhirter down? Ricky: (laughs out loud) Ohhh. Steve: The Guinness people. Karl: Well they said, "let's get this white line and well do this tomorrow", and he said "all right, i'll see you in the morning" Ricky: (laughs out loud) See you in the morning! "I'll see you in the morning, night night, sleep tight, bye bye". Steve: I love the fact that Karl knows exactly what was said. Ricky: (laughs out loud) Yeah, he doesn't know the story or what order it was in or when it was but he knows the intracacies of "all right, see you in the morning, bye, little kissy kissy kissy", "Oh I'm not like that, oh you joker". Steve: "Don't let the bed bugs bite". Ricky: "Do you want a paper tomorrow", "no I'm alright", go on. Karl: He gets up and they say today's the day n' that and he says "well, I've got used to the idea", here's the white line for ya. Ricky: (laughs) Got used to the idea. Karl: So they go "right are you ready then?", and he says "aye, go on", and they cut his head off, and the body walked 32 steps without a head. Ricky: (laughs) Steve: Wow, incredible. Karl: 32 steps, and that's the lesson really. Steve: Did it get as far, it walked along the white line did it? Karl: It walked along the white line, did 32 steps and then started to stumble a bit and it just fell over. Steve: Yeah, yeah. Karl: But it was a test that your body can still keep alive for a little bit when you've lost your 'ead. Steve: Yeah. Ricky: Absloute twaddle, absolute twaddle. Steve: (laughs) Karl: What do you reckon you can do without an 'ead? How many steps? Steve: Nothing. Ricky: There'd be muscular spasm, right. Steve: It would twitch a bit. Ricky: You could not distinctly take 32 steps, the body... Karl: Um, yeah.