Steve mashes it up big style as a DJ at a boy scout’s jamboree and Karl talks about his shoplifting days as a teenager. Ricky reminisces about his early days at XFM.

Karl does impressions and gets invited to the BAFTA’s as Steve’s lover. He also outwits Ricky and Steve with his very own lateral thinking puzzles which results in a very un-Karl like outburst of happiness.

Apparently snakes try to bite your tackle in the water, Karl wonders how Ricky and Steve would react in such a situation, would Gervais suck the poison out or leave Steve to die?

Snake Bite

Karl: Anyway, do you know how like you're always giving me questions in the week, you're always saying things like if I put you in this situation what would you do? Ricky: Like what, like what? Karl: Bizarre things. Ricky: Like what though? Say one. Karl: If you had to lick Barbara Cartland's face, would it be the right cheek or the left cheek? Steve: Sorry does Barbara want her face being licked? No, I'm just saying if that's what she's into... Ricky: (laughs out loud) She's dead. Steve: Is she? Ricky: Yeah, be careful coz you can't libel the dead so I wanna make sure she's dead before we start saying horrendous things. Steve: I don't think she is dead, I'm almost certain she's not. Karl: No, I don't think so. Ricky: Phone in, is Barbara Cartland dead, 08700 800 1234. Karl: So anyway he always calls up with bizarre stuff like that, and I was watchin a programme the other night about snakes, and it was like don't walk through a river that's full of snakes. Ricky: (laughs) Good advice. Karl: Coz they go for your tackle. Ricky: Why? Karl: I dunno they just do. Ricky: They think it's another little snake. Karl: Maybe. Ricky: With swollen cheeks. Karl: With earrings. Steve: Or an anaconda in my case, I'm only joking. Karl: And I said to Ricky what would you do, you two in the woods, you're 'avin a wonder... Ricky: Havin a? Karl: Havin a wonder. Ricky: Oh yeah. Karl: You walk through the river. Steve: What me? Karl: Yeah. Steve: Okay. Karl: Coz you're tall, so you can check out how deep it is before Ricky goes through. Steve: Right. Ricky: Which you do, you do do that sometimes don't you? Karl: But a snake bites your tackle. Ricky: Say penis, it's the correct word for it, it's not offensive. Karl: It don't sound nice. Ricky: Say it. Karl: Penis. Ricky: Oh you dirty little, you dirty little slut Karl. Steve: Right, carry on, what's the story, I'm wondering through a river. Karl: And a snake bites your (whispers) penis. Steve: You know Ricky doesn't like leave WC1, why on earth we're gonna be anywhere near a river where there's snakes. Ricky: Well anyway. Karl: Anyway you are in this situation, the snake bites ya, and I said to Ricky if it was a matter of life or death would you suck out the poison? Ricky & Steve: (laugh) Karl: What do you think he said? Because he was thinkin about it, you know oh god he's me best mate and everything, what will I do, and I said and then Steve starts sort of groaning like he's enjoying it. Ricky: (laughs out loud) Steve: I'm just trying to remember what I did do and what did happen in that instance, so I've been biten on the penis by a snake, there's now poison in it, I've had a go at trying to suck it out myself. Ricky: Yeah but you've never mastered that, it such a long spine and such a short stubby knob that he's got no chance. Steve: And would Ricky suck it out? Almost certainly not. Ricky: Yeah that's the answer. Steve: He'd let me die a hideous horrible death. Ricky: I'd go is there anyone you want me to tell, do you want me to call your mum and dad, how shall I tell them you died? He'd say tell 'em I died taking a bullet for a lady, I was beating up some nasty people. Steve: Yeah, would you at least run into the woods and try and find some kind of animal that could do it for me? Some of those monkeys look like they've got a good technique. Ricky: (laughs)